An aspie view of the world

Catching a moment

Sometimes you just have to be there.  I suppose that’s true about a lot of things.  I’m still just starting this blog and have lots of things I want to put on it, but I’m also trying to avoid the temptation of writing several pages of text to cover all the things from the past I’d like to put here.  I’ll start with one of my eloquent moments, and one of my favorite memories.

My brother was married 2 years ago in 2012.  I was honored when he chose me to be the best man.  To be perfectly honest, much of it, the dressing up, the formality, the socializing, are things I generally avoid and am not particularly skilled at.  I was mildly shocked Brian, who knows me as well as anyone, actually believed me equal to this task.  Nevertheless I did accept.  I was able to plan a pretty good day of bachelor party stuff.  The marriage ceremony itself was very nice and my brother had a classic groom moment, which was very funny, but I don’t plan on putting it to paper..er screen, whatever, without permission (nothing bad, just embarrassing).   The limo was thoroughly miserable as the AC didn’t work so I was sweating through my rented tuxedo.  There was a lot of boring picture taking.  I can’t fake a smile without looking stupid, so I suspect I ended up looking stupid in most of these.

Then, of course, there is the traditional toast, which was something I had long prepared.  Truthfully, I had parts worked out before Brian even asked me to be best man.  Indeed, seeing how my brother talked about Megan and the energy they seemed to have when they were together first gave me this idea.  I’d never really seen this in my parents, though I think that’s probably because they’re my parents and it’s hard to think of them as anything else.  It was a really great toast and everyone liked it, but regrettably, I never wrote down exactly what I was going to say so it would truly be extemporaneous.  I would probably remember it better, but I promptly drank several glasses of champagne immediately afterwards because I was expected to dance, and I expected that would be much easier in a mildly inebriated state.  I was correct, and I have neither danced, nor gotten drunk, since.  There is a whole other discussion that could be had about why I generally avoid both excessive alcohol consumption and dancing as general rules, but I’m already far enough off topic.

The point is, that it was a really great moment for me, when I actually was in the right place at the right time and everything went great, without fumbling awkwardness or uncomfortable silence.  It was one of the moments I felt that people got to see me as I would like to be, rather than as I usually am.  I’m going to attempt to recreate my speech here, and maybe those who were there would comment on whether I’m getting pretty close.

Well, my brother is getting married.  I never thought this day would come.  I can still remember when we would argue about which of us wouldn’t get married.  Well bro, it looks like I win that argument.  Now, if you’ll bear with me, I’m going to get a little philosophical here.  When we talk about marriage, it’s natural to think about love.  Of course they don’t always go together.  We all know couples that stay together and it has nothing to do with love.  There’s things like finances, children,  …. co-dependence.

But what is love?  Is it something we can define scientifically, some combination of chemicals in the brain?  Is it some combination of  friendship and physical attraction mixed together?   Does it simply not exist at all?  I have to say I don’t believe any of these things.  I think that, when two people love each other enough, it’s something you can feel when they walk into a room.  It’s like an energy.  The strength of the love that two people feel for each other is something that radiates around them.  Two people come together, and, by an act of will, create something that wasn’t there before.  I know my brother has found this kind of love, and I can feel it when they’re together.  So here’s to my brother and Megan, and the love that they created and now share with us.

I’m sure that’s probably both longer, and more grammatically correct than what I actually said.  Those that were there, feel free to point out any obvious errors.  My memory for things like this is fairly good, even when dulled by fatigue and alcohol, but not infallible.

I really do think my brother will have a successful marriage and a successful life, at least as I would define it.  He is truly fortunate in being able to find love like that.  I wasn’t born yesterday (far from it), so I know there will be bills, illnesses, long days, demanding jobs, and traffic, and all the other stuff that tends to get in the way of what’s really important.  However, he has more than many people have to start.  Most people get married for all sorts of bad reasons like money, status, fame, or they think it’s love when it’s only lust, or desperation, or a fear of loneliness.  I have every confidence he will have a much happier marriage than what we generally see in society.

The speech was also an attempt to dissuade a few people of the notion that everything in the universe is reducible to what can be measured, numbered, counted, and neatly stacked in a library.  It’s a notion that’s fairly common these days and one that I think is somewhat dangerous besides being a rather limited and boring philosophy to live by.  I’ll surely discuss this more in the future.

More personally, I rather doubt at this point I will ever find love like that.  Things like this must be rare, or they would not be so beautiful or valuable.  Some things are common and others less so.  This is how things must be.  After all, if everyone won the lottery, nobody would play.  Anyways, there you have my first blog post.  Enjoy!!

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2 thoughts on “Catching a moment

  1. Mom says:

    Very accurate reproduction of your Best Man toast – at least as far as I can remember. And your first blog entry is wonderful. Thanks for sharing and I look forward to keeping up with it. Love you SOOO much!

  2. You were a great best man. It was a pleasure to dance with you and serve alongside you as the matron-of-honor. I’m intrigued by the tale of the champagne, etc. Your toast was well said then and well remembered now. You’re a good brother and I’m happy to know you.

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